[heroic narrator]

On the dangerous and cruel streets of Liberalville, an unsuspecting Willard Romney is in trouble!

He knows it's time to call for . . . Deficit Hawk-man!

Mild-mannered Paul Ryan by day, becomes a hero for oppressed millionaires everywhere when he gets the call!

Ready to tackle the deficit with his bold, brave Libertarian-Teapublicanism, Deficit Hawk-man can lift tax benefits for the wealthy over the tallest sky-scraper . . .

Cutting taxes for rich people and corporations: more than Romney, more than George W. Bush!

With Deficit Hawk-man, the deficit will be toast in . . . in . . . in . . . thirty years or so.

Trained in the intricate and scholarly ways of deficit-reduction, Deficit Hawk-man witnessed the evils of deficit spending when he voted yes on:

-two unfunded wars,
-the TARP bailout,
-the auto bailout,
-the two-thousand-eight stimulus,
-and the largest Medicare expansion in a generation!

Deficit Hawk-man can instantly transform into a catfish-noodling, deer-skinning man-of-the-earth . . .

Then proceed to travel into the future and eliminate medicare as we know it for all future-elderly!

All while making quick work of Medicaid, food stamps, and college loans!

Deficit Hawk-man has brawn and brains-- unleashing specific plans backed by specific imaginary numbers transmitted directly to his brain from Planet Rand!

At long last, Willard Romney has a hero with personality, passion and plans!

[Mitt: "Thank you, Deficit Hawk-man, you complete me."]

Deficit Hawk-man! A hero to Mitt Romney's everywhere!