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[Little Suzie Newsykins]
The election is almost here and I've learned lots and lotsa things about how grownups run for president!
Like first, you gotta' have plenty of money! If you have more money, that means you're more popular!
Just like the Founding Fathers said!
Next-- you've gotta' wash dishes if you're going to be president or vice president! Even if you have to force your way in!
(Cause aprons are mandatory campaign gear for grownups.)
And you need to tell personal stories about people you just met!
Talking about the lady who lost her house because of your evil opponent or the guy whose dog died is a great way to score political points!
Extra points if you tear up!
But, even though you might tear up, you've gotta' be ten times tougher than your opponent!
You either killed Bin Laden, or you'd kill him again in a much tougher way!
And how grownups act during a debate on teevee is much more important than actual policies!
Who cares about diplomacy, world peace and stuff when we can have . . . zingers!!
And one of the most important things of all: candidates have to be shocked and appalled at all the negative ads!
I mean, how are you supposed to control those Super PACs that are savaging your opponent. Sheesh!
So now is the time when grownups turn over the keys to that teeny tiny itsy bitsy slice of undecided voters . . . who go with their gut and flip a coin.
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